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Dog Days

DOG DAYS (J Neo Marvin)

Sometimes I see too much
These are the times I want to opt out of the game
I see no hope
And all my anger can’t begin to make a change
My optimism has been stretched beyond repair
And when the payback comes
I’m not so certain I want to be there.

I barely sleep at night
I barely function in the day
Running out of time
My precious youth’s been pissed away
Flung like a pinball
Through the twists and turns of circumstance
My deep, commanding voice rings out
Like a fart in a hurricane
And I’m not much fun to sleep with
Because every morning
I wake up screaming.

If I could put words to this paralysis
I might find my escape
The cupboard’s bare, supplies are gone
I contemplate my fate.

So here’s the picture:
You walk into a building
And you’re ushered into a room
Where you sit across a table
From some little snotrag ten years younger than you
And all you want to do is grab his throat and say:
“What do you want from me?
I’ve worked this type of half-wit job before
What kind of clever trick
Are you waiting for me to perform?
Look straight through me with your enigmatically smug face
So what is it then?
Am I too dressed up? Am I too dressed down?
How many more times in this life
Do I have to sit in a room like this
Judged by the petty likes of you?
I’d like a figure right now, I’d like a figure right now
I’d like to know what got me
In this position anyhow!”

Well…OK, OK, I know:
I did not want a normal life
I wanted “freedom”, vaguely defined
I knew what I did not want
That much was crystal clear
I never thought enough about
What I actually wanted!

And when your gallows humor starts wearing thin
That’s when they say your heartaches really begin
Try whistling past the graveyard
But your lips don’t make a sound
And every morning headline sends you spinning farther down.

Suddenly I feel this clarity
As if a weight was lifted off my shoulders
For no good reason at all.
And I feel confident, even joyous
But nothing’s actually changed.
Why is life like this?
I can’t answer that one, sweetie.

©2001 J Neo Marvin (BMI)