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I Was A Teenage Christian

I WAS A TEENAGE CHRISTIAN (J Neo Marvin)

Picture the spring of ’72
Fourteen and a half and friendless
I was a target from day one
I liked the idea of a universe with justice
Eating lunch alone as usual
Two fairly cute girls come up to me
Would I like to go to a meeting on the hill
I was so bored, I said OK

In a circle sitting on logs
A crowd of friendly hip young people
Seemingly unbound by the social rules
Open hearts and big bright smiles
I was greeted with warm affection
They understood my disillusionment
With the church and the human race
They had a better way

Hark the herald angels sing, hello misfits of the world
Just how far will you go to end your loneliness?
What odious club will you join? What ideals will you espouse
Just so you could have someone to talk to?

I was no stranger to spirits
I did not belive that death was the end
Once I heard the cool, calm voice of God
When I was hyperventilating
I was not a sucker for dogma
But Jesus Christ, my soul was starving
And these people all seemed to nice
And their ecstatic joy was contagious

So I got picked up at home in the evening
And whisked away to a plain downtown building
They served spaghetti and we sang and prayed
Insisting all the while that they were not a church
A man got up and said that he’d seen great things
Great changes brought about by Jesus
He’d seen hippies who’d cut off all their hair
He’d seen surfers throw away their boards

Hark the herald angels sing, hello misfits of the world
Just how far will you go to end your loneliness?
What odious club will you join? What ideals will you espouse
Just so you could have something to belong to?

(Secret evil backmasking:)
“Yad yb yad ylraen erom eeht wollof dna
Ylraed erom eeth evol, ylraelc erom eeth ees ot
Yarp I sghiht eerht, Drol raed ho
Yad yb yad, yad yb yad.”

I prayed every night for God to impress me
I couldn’t let down my great new friends
I prayed for Jesus to come and convince me
That he played by these people’s rules
This went on for about a month
As a war raged on inside me
Striving to improve and purify myself
While a screaming inner voice grew louder.

How could I be saved if I had not sinned yet?
How could I judge a life I had not lived yet?
I read the fine print and the void burst open
The ball and chain at the end of the rainbow
I turned my back on the gates of Eden
I expelled myself from paradise
I took my chances with the lake of ire
It’s my party and I’ll burn in Hell if I want to!

Hark the herald angels sing, hello misfits of the world
Just how far will you go to end your loneliness?
What odious club will you join? What ideals will you espouse
Just so you could have something to live for?

© 1996 Undulant Rhetoric (BMI)